The Cursed Coins

Chas was on AIM late one night when an anonymous chat began. "Bring the cursed coins" typed the mysterious stranger. Startled by this, Chas' fingers moved at lightning speed, concocting a witty response to impress this weirdo.
"Coins? I have no coins. Perhaps you're thinking of Jack Sparrow."
Chas couldn't contain his laughter. In his mind, he hailed himself as a comedic genius. He saw himself amongst the ranks of Colin Mochrie and William Murray.

But that's when it happened. The screen began to swirl up, becoming an incomprehensible mass of colors and twirling shapes. Chas toppled backward, screaming, but still slightly laughing at his meager joke. From the hurricane erupting within his monitor, a face was conjured. It shook into life, and immediately scowled down at Chas who appropriately fell to his knees in a desperate prayer. Chas felt as though the room was going to collapse. A bookcase fell, and his 2 week old puppy was squashed in the confusion. Then, just as suddenly as it had began, the tremors stopped.

The computer had something to say.

"CHAS. YOU HAVE EVADED US LONG ENOUGH," the face bellowed.
"I don't know what you want," whimpered Chas, "what coins are you talking about?"
"THE CURSED COINS. THE COINS YOU FOUND IN THE DEMON CAVE."
"I've never been to a demon cave," gurgled Chas, trying not to cry.
"OH OOPS I THOUGHT YOU DID. ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR EVENING." The face disappeared.

The room was quiet.

Chas was puzzled, but he felt it was time to celebrate. He leaped into the air and tucked his legs into his chest. Without missing a beat, he executed two tight frontflips and landed with perfect form. In the midst of his excitement, he heard something jingle. With horror, he realized that the holiday noise was coming from his left pocket! Hand trembling, he slowly reached inside and pulled out two silver coins. They were each branded with the image of a screaming face, and bore the words "We Be The Cursed Coins,"

"...The Cursed Coins..." Chas exclaimed in a hoarse whisper, "What am I to do?"

Flash forward two weeks. Chas is in a Steak 'n Shake eyeballing his bill. It soon becomes apparent to him that he doesn't have enough money to tip his waitress. So without giving it a second thought, he pulls out the Cursed Coins from a burlap purse and slams them on the table. With a cockeyed grin, Chas mutters, "I hope they take evil tips..."