Windowpains

The finger smeared window that sits right beside my easy chair is a constant source of uneasiness for me.  Every single nightmare I’ve ever had was because of the thin yellowing cheap glass that separates me from the deserted parking lot that stretches out over the horizon. It seems that every single time I drift off to sleep, I’m greeted with a transparent square hovering directly in front of my face.  It is the window, stained and slightly cracked just like the one that welcomes the faint moonlight into my room.  In the dreams the crack gradually spreads and reaches all corners of the window like the narrow legs of some horrific insect.  Then the dream really begins. 
But you cannot know what happens yet.

Let me explain why - a couple of nights ago I experienced a major life shift that was initiated by a man I ignored at the gas station.  It was past midnight, and I stopped by my local 24 hour mart to grab a couple of salty snacks.  I was severely craving a crunch, an the only thing that would satisfy me is those tooth-destroying Corn Nuts.  I wanted a crunch that could be heard for miles.  I’m talking about crunching that echoes in a mile-deep empty cavern.  I wanted people to cover their ears when they heard me crunch.  I wanted to spit out teeth like a shattered mint.  By the way my name is “Crunchy Bunchy Bosco.” 

On my way in the mini-mart, a jolly older man in a weathered baseball camp leaped up from a bench and held the door for me.  I thanked him and ventured inside to satisfy dat crunch.  When I got over to the crispy station I found rows and rows of Corn Nuts lined up like deep fried troops ready to be consumed by the opposing army that is my bicuspids.  I grabbed two bags, checked out, and plodded down the cobblestone steps to the front door of the 24 hour mini mart I was currently leaving.
Right as I approach the door, the exact same jolly old man with the snow white hair that reminded me of the iconic Jack Frost, the living snowman oft referenced to in legends of old, opened the door for me once again.

“Thanks snowman,” I said, nodding at him.  He then violently grabbed my shoulder and nearly and nearly pulled me off my feet.

“Now that I’ve done something for you, what are you going to do for me?” he nearly shouted directly in my ear.  My eardrum waved and wobbled like a sheet of tissue paper deep within my ear or a drum head yeah you get it.  Any way I replied with “Ok what do you want ice-hair man?”

“Let me look at the windows in your home lil dude.”  My blood ran ice cold, just as cold as the wispy wafting frozen winds that breeze through the town of Jack Frost.

So I took him to my apartment and showed him where the windows were.  He looked at them and started screaming at them which was really creepy!  But honestly it didn’t really matter, because as he was screaming himself hoarse at my window, I was opening the foil bag of the Corn Nuts I bought.
Boy oh boy howdy how I crunched on them.  Talkin’ smackin’ and chewing on the crispy crunchitity nuts and eating my snack.  As I ate each one, I wanted to eat another one so I would!

Wait what was I talking about?